When I Walked Away…

I’ve walked away from many things through out my short lived life. Some terribly hard while some were easy. But walking away from Portrait Photography has been somewhere in the middle. I felt weight lift off me once finally giving the announcement. But at the same time I began to grieve over it a little bit. At first I thought it to be odd. After all, for several months leading up to it, I had not one desire to photograph in this way ever again. But when I walked away, I began to look at the past 11 years that took me to this point:

I began photography at age 16. I used my dad’s camera. Since being homeschooled and had nobody to practice on, I learned Portrait Photography on myself.

Age 18, I bought my very first camera, which was at the time a very well to do Point-And-Shoot camera for $500. I saved up my own money. Also bought my first MAC. I saved money for a year to get it. Learned Photoshop on my own.

Age 20. My first client was a College Senior and my time with her was 4 whole hours. Began photographing children.

Age 23. Bought my first real camera ( Norma Jean ) and stopped using my dad’s.

Age 25. Bought a second MAC and began transitioning workflow. Gained 4 Big Major Clients.

Age: 26: Worked with 13 Clients in Two Months. Major upgrade.

Age 27. Bought a second camera ( Errol Flynn )…

3 months later: …I let it all go.

I gained so much knowledge and practice in this time frame, and spent thousands of dollars in order to do it. The past few weeks since making the announcement, I have felt very much in mourning over the identity that I created. I almost felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. Every photographer specializes in one or maybe two area’s of art. Right now, I feel like I am all over the place.

Discouragement would set in. But even though I do not know why the Lord has led me away from this, it is a constant way of life to practice trust in the Lord. Also, I am so thankful to have such encouraging parents who have always supported what I do, and are always the first ones to see my work before revealing it to anyone else.  BTW,  to every family who I have photographed; you only thought you were the first to see your Portraits. My parents have seen every single one of them before you. And thats because I trust their pair of eyes to help see the things I sometimes do not see in order to help make it all as perfect as possible.

The upside of everything: I feel more freedom and passion. I do not feel tied down to one thing. Its almost as if I’m rediscovering myself. The Lord has not given an reasoning, but He has given me peace and ambition to excel.

I do not know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds my future.

 I desire not to do this alone. I desire others to run along with me. And I hope that there are those who will.


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