I’ve had this image in my mind for two days. I was a little fearful about going in a public location and take a picture of myself. The last time I did that, which was a few years ago, I had so many prying eyes on me and felt uncomfortable having an audience watching me with a tripod. I said I’d never do it again. But I gave this one a shot. The only audience I had were kids who I believe were too busy playing with each other to even notice what I was doing.
This location is a very popular photo stop. During the Fall is in my opinion the perfect time to have family portraits on this long bridge. Being that I no longer photograph cliental, it’s rare that I ever come here.
I took this image in the late evening. I was racing against time with the sun going down so fast. I managed to raise my tripod as high as it would go and used my wide angle lens to capture as much of my surrounding as possible.
While I was at this bridge, thinking of how many people I had once brought to this place, then thinking of when I finally stepped down from Portrait Photography, I felt such a peace when I realized just how much freedom I have to do exactly what I want with my photography, pleasing myself alone.
But while I was photographing cliental, it honestly felt that what I did then mattered more than what I am doing now. Photographing families right and left gave lots of exposure and honestly, very good feedback. It felt like other people cared about what I was doing at the time.
However, it doesn’t feel like that is the case anymore.
In my previous blog, I went into more depth about this struggle of mine. And I began to doubt if what I felt God calling me to do what true, if it really mattered, if is was even important. I came across a Bible verse tonight in Psalm 94:11,” The Lord knows the thoughts of man, that they are a mere breath.” This is a small passage of Scripture, but I believe it was God’s small way of opening the deepness of my heart to remind me that, because He knows my every thought, therefore; He does care. Or He wouldn’t even bother to know. But since He does know, and He is God, and He created me and knew me before I was even formed ( Psalm 139 ), that fact that He alone cares is enough.
Sometimes, I feel like others would care more if I were to be getting married. Or to begin to start a family. My Facebook feed is full of that from other people. It is good and I am always happy for them. But being that I am nowhere near those life events and am not promised that I will ever have them, I do sell myself short at times. But as a child of God, I have to get my focus in check. I matter to the Lord, and all I do does matter to Him even if it I do not see it producing one thing in front of me. God has opened a door to a new job in ministry; He has remained faithful in every circumstance. And as a believer, it is a daily practice to whole heartily trust in Him at all times and to be made full of His love.