I’ve been taking pictures for, what will be, 12 years next Spring. You might say I’ve been around the block, more than once. I’ve always enjoyed and are always proud of what I’ve accomplished and gained through my education and experience…which I am never finished with. I’ll never finish learning.
I seem to have created an image of myself, that people believe that I eat, sleep and dream photography. Thats about half true. Photography is a big part of my life and part of my identity. So what I am about to admit might be a shock to some:
I am in a rut.
I have become one of those photographers who has lacked motivation to create. Its something I’ve been fighting for months now, but never truly admitting it to myself until two days ago.
Now this has nothing to do with my job at Church. Actually, all my creative thinking has shifted almost 100% to photo/video work there and more of my time is being put into that. I am loving and enjoying what I am doing there. I am not in a rut in this area of my job/art/creative part of my life. This part I haven’t a problem nor a struggle with.
It is outside of work that I’m the most concerned about.
Its been a struggle to keep up with this blog: I haven’t much time on my hands working two jobs, with one day off a week, and very soon that one day off will be booked with close clients for small portrait sessions for the next three months. I’ve thought once again about letting go of my current Facebook page as well as my website since I haven’t near the time to keep them active. I was pushing myself to create a new picture a day for a little while, in hopes to help me get out of this rut, but it hasn’t worked. Often just the thought of having to put something together makes me exhausted. I think of the amount of time it takes and I’m like, “Forget it. I need my sleep more.”
I use to never think like that.
I’ve even considered starting a vlog. I want to, but how am I going to do that?
Some people may not understand, “How can you feel stuck about something you love so much?” I don’t have an answer, because I do not know either. I had a conversation with my mom about this two nights ago. My mom was a music leader for many years when I was a kid/teenager. She sang and played piano almost her entire life. My love for music comes from both my mom and dad. I can still remember the many hours and days my mom gave to practice music. And I also vividly remember watching her worship. I asked her if she ever felt as I do now, and I feel at peace being she said “yes.” Though my mom loved music so much, even she needed a break from it for a time.
I almost feel like a wimp for admitting that I need breaks from what I do. Actually, I need breaks often from what I do. It’s something I’m praying very much about, in hopes that God will expose just what is keeping me back. My mom claims it is always the lack of B12. So I’m starting on that again. Why can’t coffee just be enough?
Has anyone else felt as I have in their area of creativity? I’d love for your to share your experience and advice on the matter, as I am sure it would help me right now!
Erin G. Parker